I have been doing some serious questioning lately.
What in the world is going on? Where is God leading Andy and me? Andy really articulates it better than I do: "God is asking us to drop everything and go." And He has been trying to get through to us for....oh, I don't even know how long. About a year?
But our culture does not get this; you graduate from high school, you go to college, you FINISH college, then you get a job. Our culture does not understand, "well, this is what we feel like we need to do." Even our church body does not understand this.
We are all so prideful. I am so prideful. We fear being radical. We are afraid society, our friends, our family, will find out that we truly believe God moves and speaks now, not just 2,000 years ago. And but "we," I mean myself. I do these things.
What is Christianity after all? Is it going to a Christian church on Sunday? Is it believing in God, believing Jesus lived and was our Savior? Or is more than this? Is it not believing what the Bible, what Jesus said? I believe these things, I want to live these things. Again and again, Jesus explained the cost of following him; in our arrogance, we have decided to believe it in our minds, but not allow our hearts to understand. I committed myself to a life of following this crazy radical Jesus (for radical he was). I am a new creation in Christ. Every day, I should be dying to myself, my arrogance. And picking up that cross.
So God tells us to go, we go. Period. If that means quitting school with a year left, I want to do it. My heart will break in the process, but I pray that I will always desire a willingness to be broken for God. You can actively pursue Jesus here, in America, going to college. But if God tells you to go, that's it. Obedience or disobedience.
So what IS going on? Where is God sending us?
We know we are going, we know why (Jesus kinda had this thing about feeding and caring for the orphans, widows, and hungry, who knew?). Now we want to know where and how. That is where we're at. And it is frustrating. I. am. frustrated. I am trying not to allow myself to feel like life is on hold, because this is when we prepare. This is when we dive into the word of God, into relationships that are life-breathing, into training that is spirit-filled. So this is not waiting it is preparing.
In this season, I want to invest in people. I want to meet needs here, in this land of broken, empty people. Because that is how I see America, that is what America has come to.
So what can I do for you?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Community
Every day lately I just have to stop. Breathe. And say holy CRRRRAAAPPP.
Is it possible that Andy and I could have the friends we have, with the vision they have, the passion for Christ they have?
This is hard to put into words, and I hate to even admit it, but sometimes I just think, "God, this is too much." Not only have I been redeemed, reconciled, but I am also provided for in abundance. What the heck? WE'RE NOT WORTH, WE'RE NOT WORTHY (Wayne's World reference). Not only am I not worthy, with nothing in and of myself to offer my creator, but I'm a doubter. This is what I doubt:
Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
We are given this ridiculous picture of community, and our doubt keeps us from pursuing it. Take a look at the oceans, the beaches. Look at any mountain range, The Going to the Sun Road in Glacier. How can we doubt that our God, who created all of these things, could take us and create a community of people "filled with awe...selling their possessions and goods, [giving] to anyone as he had need." Despite our failures. Despite diversity in personality, gifts, interests, backgrounds. The early church didn't doubt it. They walked with Jesus, they knew what He was capable of, what God was capable of doing through them. Why do we doubt it is possible?
I am beginning to believe that the community and vision the early church had is possible today. I am ashamed and sickened that I ever thought otherwise.
Today, this month, this year, I want to pursue this. And every day I am going to get down on my face and thank God for the community He has given me.
Is it possible that Andy and I could have the friends we have, with the vision they have, the passion for Christ they have?
This is hard to put into words, and I hate to even admit it, but sometimes I just think, "God, this is too much." Not only have I been redeemed, reconciled, but I am also provided for in abundance. What the heck? WE'RE NOT WORTH, WE'RE NOT WORTHY (Wayne's World reference). Not only am I not worthy, with nothing in and of myself to offer my creator, but I'm a doubter. This is what I doubt:
Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
We are given this ridiculous picture of community, and our doubt keeps us from pursuing it. Take a look at the oceans, the beaches. Look at any mountain range, The Going to the Sun Road in Glacier. How can we doubt that our God, who created all of these things, could take us and create a community of people "filled with awe...selling their possessions and goods, [giving] to anyone as he had need." Despite our failures. Despite diversity in personality, gifts, interests, backgrounds. The early church didn't doubt it. They walked with Jesus, they knew what He was capable of, what God was capable of doing through them. Why do we doubt it is possible?
I am beginning to believe that the community and vision the early church had is possible today. I am ashamed and sickened that I ever thought otherwise.
Today, this month, this year, I want to pursue this. And every day I am going to get down on my face and thank God for the community He has given me.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I woke up excited today...
Finally. Last night, I slept soundly. I am the biggest freak when it comes to beds, covers, etc., and Andy can attest to this. I love sheets. Seriously, they are the best part about beds. Without both a fitted and a cover sheet, there really is no point to sleep. There has to be at LEAST two blankets, and Andy and I have to be parallel to the wall. If Andy is laying even a little crooked...I just...ugh. Not a fan. Anyways, this really isn't what I feel like talking about. I just had to explain why I slept so well. Which probably attributed largely to why I woke up just so excited.
But also I think I'm excited because there are so many things to be excited about right now. I never really know how to convey my happiness accurately when people ask. I'm an enthusiastic person; if you've been around me for more than twenty minutes, you probably know this. I like to get loud. Passionate. I squeal. I do a number of things that portray me as a generally enthusiastic person. But here is the deal: I am even more excited, happy, and enthusiastic than I seem. It's true, I am.
Andy is a big part of that. I sound like any other newlywed when I say that he is the greatest person alive. But this time, it's for real. He truly is. I don't think I can even begin to describe how awesome he is in regular blog format. The best way, I think, is a bullet list.
I am also excited because...we just have an amazing future. Can I say that, or is that too cocky? We. Have. A. Great. Future. We really do. I'll say it, and risk sounding egotistical. Andy is going to get his masters in Christian Counseling, and I am almost (sort of) done with my extended English major with a teaching option. And we will definitely use these skills...but it's the WAY we are going to use them that really excites me. We have felt since, oh, last January-February-March (sometime in there), that we were called to do full-time missions for at least a couple years. And that was scary at first. It's still scary. Mainly because...we have no idea exactly where we are supposed to go, or with what organization....so we are basically just waiting for God to open some doors for us. And we know He will. But the waiting. The waiting, people! Oh, for Pete's sake. It's like that song in "Fireproof," (not gonna lie, I love that movie, despite the cheesiness and horrible acting) that goes "while I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship," and etc. I feel like that's where we are at right now. Blah. What to do in the mean time? Be involved in a rockin' awesome college group, dedicated to change for Christ. That's what we are doing right now. Collegeage Movement, check us out! (Shameless plug.)
So I love orphans. Especially ones in Ethiopia. And I pray on a regular basis that God will send Andy and I there. There's a good chance of it, but I really want this to be about where He wants us, not where I want us. So we shall see. Also, I love Amharic, ET's national language. I just love language, period, and linguistics, and...culture. Travel. I LOVE travel. I'm so glad God gave me that passion, because it is the best passion of all time. But it is also expensive. Which is why we had such high hopes for Montana Millionaire, which let us down astronomically. I also love homeless people. I wish I was more active when it came to them; there are SO many homeless people in Billings. I want to start giving away our leftovers. Volunteering at the shelters is great, but there's got to be more....
Anyone wanna talk homeless people? Any ideas? Or if anyone lives in Billings and wants to set up a couple days a month where we go give away food to people on the streets...I'd love to do that with you.
So that is why I'm excited. I have this incredible husband, an even more incredible Savior, and we have this future. I used to feel pretty uninspired about the future. That was before I realized that Jesus really meant what he said about things. Then I got excited. I had to. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12. WOW. Just wow. I want to do these "things" now, not just in the future. Because we serve such an incredible God, we get to be used by Him. Umm...isn't that the biggest honor ever? That He would use us idiots, failures, sinners, judgers, lame-wods, to fullfill His purpose? Jesus take the wheel! That is just...ridiculous. I love how radical Jesus was/is.
Oh, and I am excited about YOU, whoever you are. Jesus wants to use you for his glory. So that is exciting.
Be excited,
Me
But also I think I'm excited because there are so many things to be excited about right now. I never really know how to convey my happiness accurately when people ask. I'm an enthusiastic person; if you've been around me for more than twenty minutes, you probably know this. I like to get loud. Passionate. I squeal. I do a number of things that portray me as a generally enthusiastic person. But here is the deal: I am even more excited, happy, and enthusiastic than I seem. It's true, I am.
Andy is a big part of that. I sound like any other newlywed when I say that he is the greatest person alive. But this time, it's for real. He truly is. I don't think I can even begin to describe how awesome he is in regular blog format. The best way, I think, is a bullet list.
- He loves Jesus. Not just...in this church-going kind of way. He wants to be like Jesus more than anything. That includes loving other people before himself. Andy actually DOES that. He does it with me every single day, even when I am being ridiculous.
- He is ridiculously goofy. I PITY people who haven't seem him like this. Andy is also shy, or reserved, or something. I can't quite put my finger on it. And it takes him awhile to feel comfortable around people. Like my family, for instance. It's always been a struggle for him to feel comfortable around them. And I just...it makes me sad. Because they don't know him like I want them to. I sometimes think that if people saw us in our apartment, they would be...shocked. We are just...ridiculous is really the only word that describes us. His goofiness is a big part of how awesome he is.
- He is musical. 'Nough said.
- He lets me read out loud to him. And he likes it, despite what he says to you about it. Reading together is seriously so fun. I realize that, to some people, this sounds ludicrous. We love it. Lucky for him, I have one billion books I want to read with him. Lucky for me, I have seventy years or so (hopefully) to get through all of them.
- He cooks all the time. And cleans. And does dishes. Not because he feels like he has to in order to be a "good husband," but because he is, again, a loving person. He just loves me. Crazy man.
- He makes up songs all the time. His most recent hit is "Oi, banana, what are you saying?" It's a good song, but a little racist. Not SERIOUSLY racist, but jokingly racist. It basically talks about a Jewish accent.
I am also excited because...we just have an amazing future. Can I say that, or is that too cocky? We. Have. A. Great. Future. We really do. I'll say it, and risk sounding egotistical. Andy is going to get his masters in Christian Counseling, and I am almost (sort of) done with my extended English major with a teaching option. And we will definitely use these skills...but it's the WAY we are going to use them that really excites me. We have felt since, oh, last January-February-March (sometime in there), that we were called to do full-time missions for at least a couple years. And that was scary at first. It's still scary. Mainly because...we have no idea exactly where we are supposed to go, or with what organization....so we are basically just waiting for God to open some doors for us. And we know He will. But the waiting. The waiting, people! Oh, for Pete's sake. It's like that song in "Fireproof," (not gonna lie, I love that movie, despite the cheesiness and horrible acting) that goes "while I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship," and etc. I feel like that's where we are at right now. Blah. What to do in the mean time? Be involved in a rockin' awesome college group, dedicated to change for Christ. That's what we are doing right now. Collegeage Movement, check us out! (Shameless plug.)
So I love orphans. Especially ones in Ethiopia. And I pray on a regular basis that God will send Andy and I there. There's a good chance of it, but I really want this to be about where He wants us, not where I want us. So we shall see. Also, I love Amharic, ET's national language. I just love language, period, and linguistics, and...culture. Travel. I LOVE travel. I'm so glad God gave me that passion, because it is the best passion of all time. But it is also expensive. Which is why we had such high hopes for Montana Millionaire, which let us down astronomically. I also love homeless people. I wish I was more active when it came to them; there are SO many homeless people in Billings. I want to start giving away our leftovers. Volunteering at the shelters is great, but there's got to be more....
Anyone wanna talk homeless people? Any ideas? Or if anyone lives in Billings and wants to set up a couple days a month where we go give away food to people on the streets...I'd love to do that with you.
So that is why I'm excited. I have this incredible husband, an even more incredible Savior, and we have this future. I used to feel pretty uninspired about the future. That was before I realized that Jesus really meant what he said about things. Then I got excited. I had to. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12. WOW. Just wow. I want to do these "things" now, not just in the future. Because we serve such an incredible God, we get to be used by Him. Umm...isn't that the biggest honor ever? That He would use us idiots, failures, sinners, judgers, lame-wods, to fullfill His purpose? Jesus take the wheel! That is just...ridiculous. I love how radical Jesus was/is.
Oh, and I am excited about YOU, whoever you are. Jesus wants to use you for his glory. So that is exciting.
Be excited,
Me
Monday, January 4, 2010
If that's not enough...
Question: Is it okay to blog twice in one day? Should I already know the answer to that? Oh well, it is happening, and you're gonna like it.
When I first opened this up to write a new post, I had all these great ideas about what to write about. Now, nothing. And yet, I'm going to blog anyway.
I love punctuation. I just do. I love when I can't sleep and I lay there and write in my head. Punctuation and all. My creative writing teacher last semester wanted me to bring her a full manuscript by this fall. Failure. Not because I didn't want to, but because I just didn't. I wasn't too busy (okay, I was a little busy), I just never sit down and write anymore. I just write in my head, and count that as good enooouuggh. That kinda makes me think that I'm not much of a writer, after all. Guess what, though. I really DO want to write a book. Sometimes I have these ideas floating around and if I would just settle down and let myself....I feel like it just might happen. Don't hold your breath; this book probably won't happen soon. After all, there are about one billion other things I want to do. And I'm going to. Look out, world!
I love books about the "wild west." Seriously, I just....man. I can't get enough of them!!! I hate to even admit this, but they don't even have to be that well written. They can't be aweful; I wouldn't go that far. But...they can be stereotypical, even. They can be romantic. They can be predictable. And I don't like modern-day cowboys. So....why do I love these books? Maybe it's because my grandpa was a bonafide cowboy. Whatever. I LOVE THESE BOOKS. Totally delightful.
Just for the record, there ARE books that I don't like. Anything by James Joyce, for instance, and I also hate "The Awakening" (which, I must admit, I have never finished). Mostly I think my reasons are pretty clear here, but basically it boils down to the fact that I hate selfishness. Selfish characters and narrators...just...no. I realize selfishness is part of humanity. I know this. But I don't want to sit there and read about it. I hate selfishness in myself; I think I am an extremely selfish person by nature. And every day I look at Jesus and attempt to, as usual, deny myself. Deny myself selfishness. I don't tolerate it in myself. And I don't tolerate it in others. Especially fictional characters. All I have to do is shut the book. Truth be told, selfish characters make me want to punch them out. Seriously. I get so pissed. It...nevermind. I'm just going to stop talking about it; it's making my stomach feel gross.
Speaking of tolerance, there is a book called "Be Intolerant, Because Some Things Are Just Stupid." I don't remember who wrote it, and I didn't even really like it that much. It talked a lot about moral relativism, which I was interested in. But I still kind of liked it, or at least the idea of it. There is right, there is wrong, and there is truth. Period. But the world has really taken tolerance and scewed it. If tolerance means allowing other people to say, do, and believe what they want, then I am FOR tolerance. Because I'm not you. I'm not going to make your choices for you. I'm going to try to love you no matter what. Just love you, wherever you're at. But if I am asked if something is "right" or "wrong," I'm going to be truthful. There is truth, and more than anything, I want to be all about truth. It's a hard situation. Because I know I am no better than anyone else. I wish there was a quick, easy way to say "I believe this is sin, absolutely, and God will judge you, just as He'll just me...but I won't let that change the way I treat you or the way I see you." I feel like this is something we all fail at so miserably. I know I do. God help us. Because I don't want to be a judgemental hypocrite. I don't! I want to be like Christ. And I fail. Jesus was the perfect (and I mean perfect) example of love without judgement, but he was more than that. He stood for truth. He demanded truth from those around him. And that meant calling sin just that: sin. I know this is what many Christians are trying to do--love people without judgement. And we still need to stand for truth. Am I making any sense here? Is this all just me? I just want to learn how to do this, whatever it may look like, I need to do this. God help us.
I hate to be a Debby Downer, but I love a good kick in the pants, and when I feel that kick...well, why not share it? I'm off to eat lunch, then hit up the gym! I have a feeling I'm going to like this blogging....
Chao, Chao! Egziabyer Yemesgen!
When I first opened this up to write a new post, I had all these great ideas about what to write about. Now, nothing. And yet, I'm going to blog anyway.
I love punctuation. I just do. I love when I can't sleep and I lay there and write in my head. Punctuation and all. My creative writing teacher last semester wanted me to bring her a full manuscript by this fall. Failure. Not because I didn't want to, but because I just didn't. I wasn't too busy (okay, I was a little busy), I just never sit down and write anymore. I just write in my head, and count that as good enooouuggh. That kinda makes me think that I'm not much of a writer, after all. Guess what, though. I really DO want to write a book. Sometimes I have these ideas floating around and if I would just settle down and let myself....I feel like it just might happen. Don't hold your breath; this book probably won't happen soon. After all, there are about one billion other things I want to do. And I'm going to. Look out, world!
I love books about the "wild west." Seriously, I just....man. I can't get enough of them!!! I hate to even admit this, but they don't even have to be that well written. They can't be aweful; I wouldn't go that far. But...they can be stereotypical, even. They can be romantic. They can be predictable. And I don't like modern-day cowboys. So....why do I love these books? Maybe it's because my grandpa was a bonafide cowboy. Whatever. I LOVE THESE BOOKS. Totally delightful.
Just for the record, there ARE books that I don't like. Anything by James Joyce, for instance, and I also hate "The Awakening" (which, I must admit, I have never finished). Mostly I think my reasons are pretty clear here, but basically it boils down to the fact that I hate selfishness. Selfish characters and narrators...just...no. I realize selfishness is part of humanity. I know this. But I don't want to sit there and read about it. I hate selfishness in myself; I think I am an extremely selfish person by nature. And every day I look at Jesus and attempt to, as usual, deny myself. Deny myself selfishness. I don't tolerate it in myself. And I don't tolerate it in others. Especially fictional characters. All I have to do is shut the book. Truth be told, selfish characters make me want to punch them out. Seriously. I get so pissed. It...nevermind. I'm just going to stop talking about it; it's making my stomach feel gross.
Speaking of tolerance, there is a book called "Be Intolerant, Because Some Things Are Just Stupid." I don't remember who wrote it, and I didn't even really like it that much. It talked a lot about moral relativism, which I was interested in. But I still kind of liked it, or at least the idea of it. There is right, there is wrong, and there is truth. Period. But the world has really taken tolerance and scewed it. If tolerance means allowing other people to say, do, and believe what they want, then I am FOR tolerance. Because I'm not you. I'm not going to make your choices for you. I'm going to try to love you no matter what. Just love you, wherever you're at. But if I am asked if something is "right" or "wrong," I'm going to be truthful. There is truth, and more than anything, I want to be all about truth. It's a hard situation. Because I know I am no better than anyone else. I wish there was a quick, easy way to say "I believe this is sin, absolutely, and God will judge you, just as He'll just me...but I won't let that change the way I treat you or the way I see you." I feel like this is something we all fail at so miserably. I know I do. God help us. Because I don't want to be a judgemental hypocrite. I don't! I want to be like Christ. And I fail. Jesus was the perfect (and I mean perfect) example of love without judgement, but he was more than that. He stood for truth. He demanded truth from those around him. And that meant calling sin just that: sin. I know this is what many Christians are trying to do--love people without judgement. And we still need to stand for truth. Am I making any sense here? Is this all just me? I just want to learn how to do this, whatever it may look like, I need to do this. God help us.
I hate to be a Debby Downer, but I love a good kick in the pants, and when I feel that kick...well, why not share it? I'm off to eat lunch, then hit up the gym! I have a feeling I'm going to like this blogging....
Chao, Chao! Egziabyer Yemesgen!
Scooters, Vacation, and Welcome to Blogging
Okay--blogging.
I have always been secretly jealous of people that blog, and even more jealous of people that blog well. Why? Because it is awesome! How have I not done this sooner? I really have no idea. Let me see...I love writing, trying to be funny, talking about myself...Yep, this is perfect for me. Hmm...
So. This being my first blog and all, I guess I need to talk about something important. Guess what that is? Books. So I have basically read one book every day since Christmas. But now I'm out of new books. My solution? Re-read the books I just read. Yep. I'm going to start as soon as I'm done here. Oh, the beauty of month-long vacation.
I just looked down the page and saw some example of "labels for this post: e.g. scooters, vacation, fall." That really worked out for me, because Andy and I happened to get a scooter/moped thing for Christmas. We only have one car, and him working full-time and me going to school full-time is hard to manage with only one car. We got creative, though. Despite the cold weather, sometimes Andy would drop me off with my bike. I was usually okay with this solution-we really don't live THAT far away from the school. Or if he had to be at work at seven, but I didn't have school until 9ish, but Andy needs the car...then I get dropped off at the gym at 6:30. I don't do the gym at 6:30 am. It just doesn't work for me. I'm a puker, ladies and gentlemen. I puke all the time. Just being up that early makes me ultra close to puking. There is something so unholy about being up that early. I know this isn't true for everyone; for me, it is.
Andy has an amazing job. Did you know that? He really does. He works for a company called A.W.A.R.E. Inc...it is a HUGE corporation. Tons of employees, tons of different settings...Andy works in a small setting. Him and his coworkers work with three autistic boys. Basically he is a special education teacher that works one-on-one, in a nonschool setting. These boys are all low-functioning. So it's a challenge. Some days he has to change diapers, some days he gets attacked with a hoola-hoop (true story), but it is a GREAT, rewarding job.
Anyways, I think I'm done here. I promise my other blogs will be more interesting (I promise to attempt to make them more interesting). Or at least topical. Oh, happy New Year? I don't even really know what people mean by that...? People love new beginnings; I guess that's mainly the charm behind January 1st. I love new beginnings, too. That's why I'm interested in Jesus.
Until later....
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