Waiting or Preparing

I have been doing some serious questioning lately.

What in the world is going on? Where is God leading Andy and me? Andy really articulates it better than I do: "God is asking us to drop everything and go." And He has been trying to get through to us for....oh, I don't even know how long. About a year?

But our culture does not get this; you graduate from high school, you go to college, you FINISH college, then you get a job. Our culture does not understand, "well, this is what we feel like we need to do." Even our church body does not understand this.

We are all so prideful. I am so prideful. We fear being radical. We are afraid society, our friends, our family, will find out that we truly believe God moves and speaks now, not just 2,000 years ago. And but "we," I mean myself. I do these things.

What is Christianity after all? Is it going to a Christian church on Sunday? Is it believing in God, believing Jesus lived and was our Savior? Or is more than this? Is it not believing what the Bible, what Jesus said? I believe these things, I want to live these things. Again and again, Jesus explained the cost of following him; in our arrogance, we have decided to believe it in our minds, but not allow our hearts to understand. I committed myself to a life of following this crazy radical Jesus (for radical he was). I am a new creation in Christ. Every day, I should be dying to myself, my arrogance. And picking up that cross.

So God tells us to go, we go. Period. If that means quitting school with a year left, I want to do it. My heart will break in the process, but I pray that I will always desire a willingness to be broken for God. You can actively pursue Jesus here, in America, going to college. But if God tells you to go, that's it. Obedience or disobedience.

So what IS going on? Where is God sending us?

We know we are going, we know why (Jesus kinda had this thing about feeding and caring for the orphans, widows, and hungry, who knew?). Now we want to know where and how. That is where we're at. And it is frustrating. I. am. frustrated. I am trying not to allow myself to feel like life is on hold, because this is when we prepare. This is when we dive into the word of God, into relationships that are life-breathing, into training that is spirit-filled. So this is not waiting it is preparing.

In this season, I want to invest in people. I want to meet needs here, in this land of broken, empty people. Because that is how I see America, that is what America has come to.

So what can I do for you?

Community

Every day lately I just have to stop. Breathe. And say holy CRRRRAAAPPP.

Is it possible that Andy and I could have the friends we have, with the vision they have, the passion for Christ they have?

This is hard to put into words, and I hate to even admit it, but sometimes I just think, "God, this is too much." Not only have I been redeemed, reconciled, but I am also provided for in abundance. What the heck? WE'RE NOT WORTH, WE'RE NOT WORTHY (Wayne's World reference). Not only am I not worthy, with nothing in and of myself to offer my creator, but I'm a doubter. This is what I doubt:

Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

We are given this ridiculous picture of community, and our doubt keeps us from pursuing it. Take a look at the oceans, the beaches. Look at any mountain range, The Going to the Sun Road in Glacier. How can we doubt that our God, who created all of these things, could take us and create a community of people "filled with awe...selling their possessions and goods, [giving] to anyone as he had need." Despite our failures. Despite diversity in personality, gifts, interests, backgrounds. The early church didn't doubt it. They walked with Jesus, they knew what He was capable of, what God was capable of doing through them. Why do we doubt it is possible?

I am beginning to believe that the community and vision the early church had is possible today. I am ashamed and sickened that I ever thought otherwise.

Today, this month, this year, I want to pursue this. And every day I am going to get down on my face and thank God for the community He has given me.